Maybe I'm gay
by Narwhal the Sharon
Summary: 18 year old Syo Kurusu recently found out he was gay... didn't help him nor anyone else's surprise and when he gets turned away by the people who he cares the most for, what else is there to turn to? rated M for suicidal scene and maybe other stuff to come! Romance, Horror, and some Humor! Disclaimer: Uta no Prince-sama does NOT belong to me! Yaoi: Don't like don't read!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hello! I hope you like this! My friend loves this pairing, so I wrote this for her…! ;D But you have to agree… They are so cute together! :3 On with the story!_

Syo pov:

'I can't believe it's been 11 years and I haven't realized it sooner especially when Natsuki used to dress me up in those frilly dresses and kiss me when we were younger and Satsuki beat me up for telling him I liked it... I thought it was innocent back then... but now that I think about it m-maybe I am gay' I sat on my bunk of our shared room, Natsuki sleeping below me. 'I can't believe that bastard Ai made us do this. I mean it's our room what right does he have just because he's a "professional" and anyway as Ren says we just as good as them.' I looked over at him 'well he is kind of cute...' I realized what I said and shook my head. 'WHAT THE HELL why am I thinking like that...well he is... but I don't have to admit that to myself...or do I...ah hell I don't understand being gay!' I sat up and threw my hat on its rack, turned my lamp off and rolled over in bed. 'Well let the nightmare begin...'

The next morning:

I woke up to Natsuki alarm clock going off. "Hey turn it off...I'm trying to sleep up here." I said half asleep, throwing a pillow at his face. Not knowing I accidentally knocked his glasses off... 'Aww crap why do I have to deal with this so early in the morning.' I thought as Satsuki doing his morning routine of beating on me. I finally somehow managed to get his glasses back on, he flopped back in bed and went back to sleep. I looked at the clock 7:46 am it blinked. I sat on my bed and swung my legs off the side swinging them slightly. Ai sat up in his bed rubbing his eye. "What's all that noise you little brat." he said sleepily the side of his shirt coming off. ''what do you think...the same thing as every morning..." I sighed and jumped off my bed as he got up. I got dressed into a pair of dark jeans, high-top converse, a dark purple tank top and a black jacket with pink trim on it, I grabbed my hat I was wearing last night and started to walk out the door. "Wait." I heard and turned around, I saw Ai buttoning up his jacket, and "where are you going shorty." he said walking up behind me. "I'm going to go get a coffee then go to work... is there a problem with that..." I grumbled hoping he wouldn't piss me off this morning, he was starting to but then the thought about how cute his messy hair looked flashed through my mind. I blushed and turned away. He grabbed my hand to stop me. "I'll go with you..." he said I blushed another shade of red."It's easier this way...Syo..." he whispered in my ear still holding my hand. "y-you idiot let go of me...fine you can come with me just don't embarrass me." I said pulling my hand from his. He smiled "wouldn't dream of it shorty." he said closing the door to the room.

At the coffee shop:

We sat at a table in the back of the room, it was dimly lit and there wasn't that many people there which shocked me. Ai sat across from me staring at me. i got chills down my back, "w-what are you looking at, you're the one who wanted to come with me..." I said getting irritated at him and the way he made me feel. I know you hate me shorty..." he said smirking. i looked at him, "u-uhm not necessarily." I blushed slightly. He smirked wider, "we better get going if you need to get to work." he stood up and winked at me then walked out. I sat there my face burning red. 'Why can't I move, what did he do to me. What does he mean to me... is he just my senior or something more...I-is this...what l-love is.' i thought to myself my eyes widened at my realization. Ai walked back in and this time some girls giggled as he walked by, and back to me. "Hey you ok?" he said looking at me, putting his hand on the table "Yo shorty!" he said a little louder. Suddenly I felt a burning sensation on my hand, I looked down and noticed the person who had just passed us had hit the table and knocked my coffee on the side of my hand..." OWOWOWOWOWOW!" I screamed holding my hand, tears started swelling in my eyes. Ai suddenly took my hand and put the side of my hand in his mouth trying to relieve the burning. I looked at him blushing, he had his eyes closed and continued sucking. People were starting to stair but I didn't care, he looked absolutely adorable, wanted to take my hand away and kiss those perfect lips. 'So cute...again! what in the hell is wrong with my brain...b-but he is...but i can't let him know i like him... or can I... no that's against the rules... it'll get me kicked out of STARISH forever...and besides this is my dream there will be time for relationships after we get the Uta Pri award...' I thought to myself, I hadn't realized that I was staring at Ai for so long. I pulled my hand away "U-uhm...w-we should go." I said standing up, he looked down at me then we walked out... he didn't say another word to me till that's nights practice...

"Why don't you tell everyone your secret between us shorty..." Ai said leaning against the piano smirking. "w-what in the hell are you talking about you bastard...t-there's nothing going on between us...what in the hell would give you that idea." I said trying not to be nervous. "...Syo-kun if there is we will understand..." Nanami said, Ittoki arm draped over her shoulder. Ittoki smiled at him and everyone nodded. "W-well there's nothing going on between me and Ai b-but I-I'm gay..." the room went silent. Even Natsuki didn't say anything which means it's serious... "s-since when..." Ren and Masa said at the same time. "U-uhm I just o-only realized it a few weeks ago..." I blushed getting really embarrassed that they were reacting this way. 'I expected this after all this is the typical reaction to 'coming out of the closet', speech to your friends...now here comes the part where they say they don't want anything to do with me and will kick me out of the band...I cant...I-it's my dream to become an idol... and with it being an all guys group they probably don't want me here anymore... I'll get replaced and will have to leave the master course...I can't...I won't...' I thought to myself. "Well then..." Natsuki turned serious yet he still had his glasses on. "Tokiya...the other side of your room is empty since Otoya moved in with Haru-chan right?" Natsuki said looking at the dark purpled haired guy, even for him this was a shock. All he did was nod. "Would it be ok if I moved in with you." he said hurt in his eyes. "I'm going to still be your partner for the band but other than at practice and performances and at work...we will have zero contact other than that...I'm sorry Syo-kun..." Natsuki left the room. Tears welled up in my eyes..."you all hate me now right..." I started shaking with anger and sadness. No one said anything... "S-Syo-kun..." Nanami said walking towards me. "NO!...don't come any closer..." she took her hand away as I yelled... I suddenly started to run I didn't know where I was going I just knew I needed to get away from the people I cared the most for...

In Syo and Ai's room: (if you don't like blood and cutting don't read this part!)

I walked in and all of Natsuki stuff was gone, my mouth hung wide open, I ran to the bathroom, turned the shower on so Ai wouldn't hear me crying, I sat in the corner and cried my eyes out and throwing my guts up, I started to dry heave when there was nothing left inside of me, I started to shake violently tears streaming down my face. I didn't know what to do now, what more pain could i cause myself, then I suddenly remembered this thing I saw in a movie Natsuki made me watch. I found the energy to pull myself up off the ground and search through the cabinets of the sink...'No...No...No...Ah! There it is!...' I thought as i saw a small pocket knife, the silver blade gleaming a little in the steam filled room. i also picked up some broken razor blades from the ledge of the cabinet. i opened the blade of the knife and stared at my reflection in it, I put it down to my wrist and put a little pressure on it and sliced into my soft skin, it felt like a little pinch at first then it started to burn and sting but it was a good burning sensation, 'this feels so good...' I thought to myself as my blood started to stain the floor and my clothes. i took my jacket off and my shirt and went back to my little corner. i slowly put the 5 rusted blades into my wrist letting them sit there being careful not to hit a vein. I started to get a little light headed with my blood running down my arms... I heard the door knob start to turn... I started to panic as the door creaked open... 'Ah! What in the hell am I going do...' I thought frozen in my place...

To be continued...

_A/N: I hope you liked! ^_^ Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Here's the next chapter! ^_^ I hope you like~_

Recap:

... I heard the door knob start to turn... I started to panic as the door creaked open... 'Ah! What in the hell am I going do...' I thought frozen in my place...

Present time:

'I know what I can do...' I used the knife to put a cut in my forehead and I rubbed some of the blood on the corner of the wall on the outside of the shower, I pulled the blades out and tossed them back in the cabinet with my fresh blood still on them, I wrapped myself in a towel and splashed a little water on myself for effect and held my arms behind my back.

Ai walked in...

"Hey shorty, I know your upset and all but don't hog the shower", he had his eyes closed not noticing my cut.

I sighed, "You know I'm not naked right?" I said smiling a little, but I knew it was a fake. He opened his eyes with a slight blush on his cheeks, then his eyes widened

"S-Syo are...are you ok." He ran over to me looking at my cut.

"Yea, yea I'm fine I just slipped and crashed my head against the wall..." I smiled hoping he wouldn't ask to see my arms. He sighed "good can I at least bandage your head up for you so you won't bleed to death." he said half kidding. 'I wish I would.' I thought nodding my head. We walked back into our room, I had slipped my jacket on and sat on the new bed that replaced our bunks. 'I wish I could kiss him...' I thought as he looked down at me wrapping my head in a bandage. I could feel my cuts start to open again, I hoped he wouldn't see the blood running down my arm. Looked up and saw him staring at me. "w-what is it..." I said in a whisper blushing lightly. He leaned down, my face turned 50 shades of red darker than it already was... Ai was trying to kiss me... ' omg...omg...omg I can't believe it... my dreams are coming true... but I can't like him... he's my senior...and my senior only...WHY IN THE HELL IS BEING GAY SO CONFUSEING!' I mentally screamed/thought to myself. He leaned down closer, I waited for the feel of his lips to touch mine... but they never did, he kissed my forehead and leaned away. I blushed and looked away, "Hey I'm going to get something to eat you want to come with me." he said standing at the door.

I nodded, "mhm..." and put my hat on and zipped up my jacket and followed him out the door.

We left the dorm rooms and walked into town, he picked a cheap take out place, and we ordered and sat down at a booth together. 'Just like this morning...' I thought taking a bite of my food, Ai sitting across from me. I thought about our incident this morning... he looked at me with little to no emotion at all. 'Oh I love it when he looks at me like that...that's the same look he gave me this morning...' Ai noticed that I wasn't eating.

"Hey shorty...you ok." he said looking at me seriously.

I didn't lift my head, ' I...I don't know what to do now...I'm getting nervous around him...he probably doesn't like me so why is he...why is he with me all the time lately...probably so I don't do something stupid...again...like cutting myself, speaking of that.' I pulled my sleeve up and looked at it under the table. Dried...most of them, some were too deep to clot fully still. I sighed.

"Hey Syo..." Ai reached across the table and put his hand on mine.

My face flushed "W-what is it." I mumbled trying not to freak out.

He tugged at my hand making me look at him, he saw my cheeks were red. "Is your head feeling better?" He reached over to lift my hat, "its bleed through... I'll have to bandage it when we get back home... before vocal practice." he looked at me with a 'staring into your soul' look.

I sighed, "Yeah, yeah whatever you say!" I said trying not to think about the cute look he was giving me or that my depression was starting to take over again. I stood up, "come on let's go..." I said walking out the door with him following behind me. We started to walk back to the dorm rooms when it started raining. We ran to the forest, sitting under a big tree panting. "W-wow that came from out of nowhere." I said laughing a little bit, I started shivering as we waited for it to let up.

I looked at Ai from the corner of my eye, the hair that was kept down covered the side of his face and his tips changed into a different color of blue rather the turquoise blue it normally was. I pulled my legs up to my chest trying to keep myself warm, Ai scooted closer to me pulling me to him. "it'll help us stay warm." he said about an inch from my face, I blushed. "O-ok." I said my voice trembling. I stared off into the rain, I felt something on my shoulder, I looked up and Ai had fallen asleep. I blushed and smiled, I laid my head on his. 'This is nice instead of all the drama back with the guys...especially Natsuki...' tears started welling up in my eyes, I wiped them with my sleeve.

"What's wrong?'' Ai said lifting his head and rubbing his eyes.

"N-nothing just go back to sleep, doesn't seem like it'll be letting up any time soon." I said blushing a little trying not to think about how cute he was acting like a little kid.

He nodded and snuggled up against my side, I wrapped my arm around his shoulder trying to keep us warm. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, for some reason I couldn't with Ai leaning so close to me, I looked at him and leaned up and kissed his cheek. I noticed him blush some and a hint of a smile tugged at his lips. I giggled softly to myself then slowly drifted off to sleep. Not knowing all hell was about to break lose in my dreams.

Syo's dream:

I was sitting in a dark corner of my bed, watching the man I loved as he slept in the bed across from me. 'Ai...' I thought. His blue hair was tussled and messy from the way he slept. I could tell what he was dreaming about because a couple times I heard him slightly moan my name. I smiled then felt something on my arms, I pulled the sleeves up on my pjs, my pale skin shining in the dark. I sighed and looked back down and saw there was blood all over me. I tried to scream but my voice wouldn't work, I tried to wipe the blood off my arm but it kept coming back up again and again and again. Finally I got the outer around my wrist to stop when my arm started glowing a gold color and slowly it started to carve into my arm, I had to cover my eyes till the glow went away. "N-Natsuki..." I read the blood stained imprint in my arm, then noticed something below it. "o-or Ai..." I read out loud. My eyes blood shot, pupils dilated, and my eyes were wide. I looked over at Ai, and walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, his face was turned towards me. I leaned down and pressed my lips onto his. "I...chose...you..."

End of dream:

I opened my eyes and saw I was outside, I started to move. "O-ow..." I looked up and saw Ai looking down at me smiling, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. My eyes widened, "W-what was that..." I started not knowing if I was still dreaming or not. "That's what woke me up shorty, and you kept rubbing me..." he said a smirk starting to play on his face, I blushed red "S-sorry..." I mumbled trying not to think about my dream when I realized that I was laying in Ai's lap. I quickly moved off of him, "S-sorry..."I said again quietly. He suddenly pulled me to him and kissed me. "You're not getting away that easily shorty..."

To be continued...

_A/N: Review! Thanks for reading!_


	3. Confessions

_Chapter 3: confessions_

Recap: ' I mumbled trying not to think about my dream when I realized that I was laying in Ai's lap. I quickly moved off of him, "s-sorry..."I said again quietly. He suddenly pulled me to him and kissed me. "You're not getting away that easily shorty..." '

_Present time:_

We slowly got up after a few more minutes of kissing and walked back to the dorms. Ai went to the shower first, I laid on my bed thinking about all that's happened. 'A-am I rushing this...I mean I don't know what to do now... I know for sure I like him more than just my senior a-and that kiss this morning that has to mean he likes me...at least a little bit or he wouldn't of done it multiple times...would he...' I thought to myself as Ai walked out of the bathroom with his shirt off and his hair down in his eyes. I sighed a little bit louder than I wanted to. He walked over to me and leaned down like he was going to kiss me then suddenly pulled away. "Hurry we got work to do..." he said walking to his closet acting a little annoyed.

I got up and went to the bathroom, locked the door and started the shower. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. "I'm a lot less pale than I was the other day... speaking of that." I thought to myself as I opened the door and looked for my blades. "Defiantly going to need to wash them and I might need em for what's to come...' I thought to myself taking the rest of my clothes off and stepping into the warm water, washing all the dirt and sweat off of me from staying the night outside in the rain with Ai. I sighed and started to wash the dried blood off my blades.

'I wonder if I should use them since I'm confused... I mean it's a stress reliever like cigarettes or weed or another drug...' I thought and without realizing it I had already made a cut in my arm. I decided to go on since I had already started. I had made 6 little marks in my arm for the 6 members of STARISH and then noticed something on my left arm...the tattoo from my dream was on my arm...I shut the shower off, hid my blades in their place and walked out, my eyes were wide. I was only wearing a pink pair of basketball shorts and a towel around my neck.

I looked over at Ai, he was laying on his bed reading something on his phone. I sat in a fetal position leaning back on my pillows, I put my head in my lap. "Hey what's with you." I heard Ai say to me. I didn't respond, he got up and threw his towel at me hitting me in the head. I normally would be mad and start throwing things back at him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I love him to much... 'W-wait love! did I just say that...well I do care for him a lot and it does feel weird to be without him...so I guess this means I'm in love...oh god how am I even going to tell him...and what if he rejects me like Natsuki...well there's always the backup plan...blades better get ready for a blood bath...'I thought to myself as he stared at me. I realized that I never responded.

"U-uhm Ai can I talk to you about something serious..." I said my cheeks turning red.

"Sure shorty what is it?" Ai said getting up and walked over to my bed, he lightly sat down on the end.

"U-uhm well...h-have you ever been in l-love before..." I managed to mumble out somehow.

"Uhm...yea I have..." my eyes widened but I didn't lift my head.

"o-oh...what did...what it felt like...?" I said barely speaking worrying I'm going embarrass myself in front of him.

"Well... I don't know how to explain it but I know the person I love is..." he suddenly stopped himself, "what's brought this up so suddenly Syo." Ai said lifting my head, and looking into my eyes.

"y-you..." i said loud enough for me to hear and only me.

"Shor- I mean Syo?" he looked at me with concern in his eyes. My heart was about to beat out of my chest.

"I-I think I'm in love with you!..." I suddenly yelled between the voice in my head and the pounding of my heart... he went quiet... he suddenly had his arms around me...

"I-I love you too shorty..." my eyes stung with tears and this this time they were the good kind.

To be continued...


	4. Trial Date

Chapter 4: trial dates

_Recap: _"I-I think I'm in love with you!..." I suddenly yelled between the voice in my head and the pounding of my heart... he went quiet... he suddenly had his arms around me... "I-I love you too shorty..." my eyes stung with tears and this time they were the good kind.

_Present time:_

We sat on my bed Ai's arms around me, tears streaming down my face. It was a good 10 minutes before either of us said anything. I leaned back to look at his face, he smiled at me and lightly brushed his lips over mine. I smiled a little through my tears, he softly kissed my tears away and laid me back on the bed. "I love you..." I said laying on my side, my eyes starting to get heavy.

"Heh, I love you too shorty." Ai said wrapping his arm around my waist. I snuggled up to him and laid my head on his chest, and slowly fell asleep.

_Syo's dream:_

_I opened my eyes and everything was blue, like I was in water. I tried to open my mouth but I couldn't speak, I realized I was in water. I started thrashing around to get to the surface. I saw a hand reach out for me I thought it would be Ai. When I got to the top it was like I couldn't get out, suddenly Natsuki was above me. Everything started turning black and I passed out..._

_End of dream:_

I immediately shot up in bed, my heart pounding. Ai looked at me worried, "What's wrong..." he rubbed my back.

"I-Its nothing...I just had a bad dream that's all..." I said, 'more like nightmare...' I thought.

He suddenly kissed my head, "hey why don't we go out tonight." he got up from the bed pulling me with him. He held my hand in his, "really..." I said starting to blush lightly and get excited. " yea...we might as well..." he leaned close to my ear and whispered,"...since you're my boyfriend now..."

I shuddered and my heart started beating faster. I felt his lips against my neck, sucking lightly, and pressing his body against me. "A-Ai..." I gasped out a slight moan. I felt him smirk as he backed us up to the wall. He pulled away looking satisfied with the hickey that was on my neck. "Come on let's get ready..."

I went and put on a pink collared shirt with a black leather jacket, black blue jeans and hot pink sneakers. I put my hat on and made sure my hicky was covered as Ai walked out. 'So cute.' I thought as he walked to me.

He was wearing a white suit jacket with a beige collared shirt, white jeans and silver and white sneakers. He walked over to me. "You look adorable..." I said before I could realize what I had just said.

My face turned red and he laughed, "You're adorable when you blush..." he leaned in and kissed me quickly and held my hand. "Ready..." he said, I nodded and we left.

_At movies:_

We decide to watch a horror movie, as we sat at the top near the projector. "Are you sure you can handle this, I hear that it's really scary..." Ai asked, looking at me and still holding my hand.

"I can handle anything..." I said a little too cocky than I should of.

"Oh really..." he kissed me, "can you handle this." he pulled me to sit in his lap.

I blushed, my face turning red. He kissed me again, "A-Ai...people are going to see..." I said moaning slightly.

"No, we have some time before the movie starts." he kissed me again hard. I pushed back against him and straddled his hips. Suddenly it went dark. I immediately jumped off his lap and back into my seat, my face red trying to calm myself down in more ways than one.

I realized sometime in the middle of the movie 'I have never been this scared in my entire life...' I had my hands over my eyes, trembling any time I would try to peak at the movie through my fingers. I was in fetal position in my chair, when the movie was over and the lights came back on. I then realized I was clinging to Ai's arm. We both stood up and I still didn't let go.

We walked around the mall till I calmed down. We walked past an ice skating rink, "Here this will cheer you up." he said bringing me a pair of skates.

"B-but I've never ice skated before..." I blushed, embarrassed.

"Just hold my hand and you'll be fine." he said as he finished lacing up his skates.

We waddled over to the opening to the ring, Ai stepped in first and got his balance, he slowly pulled me with him. I was unsteady and started to fall. He caught me around the waist and pulled me back up. "Careful there shorty don't want to hurt your pretty face now do we." he smirked and slowly pulled me along with him both of his hands in mine.

I was actually having fun when a few little kids pushed us close together against the wall. He caught me around the waist _again_, making sure I was ok. When our lips met, he slowly slid his tounge in my mouth, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

When I finally pulled away my face was red with a blush. We continued to skate for a while till we left and got something to eat. While we were walking back to the dorm room holding hands. "I love you Syo." Ai said, stopping to look at me. I blushed lightly, I still couldn't believe I have a boyfriend now.

"I-I love you too Ai..." I said leaning into him. We got back to the dorm rooms and before we entered the room Ai pushed me against the wall. "Ow..." I said meekly, he pulled my collar down looking at my hicky. It was starting to fade away.

He smirked, " I'll have to fix it, won't I." he said starting to suck on neck, "A-Ai..." I moaned lightly and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smashed his lips against mine to shut me up, he slowly started to push his lower area on me. I moaned loud and started to get hard.

"S-syo-kun..." I heard someone say my name...that wasn't my Ai's voice...

To be continued...


	5. Caught

Chapter 5: caught

Recap: he smirked, "I'll have to fix it won't I." he said starting to suck on my neck, "A-ai..." I moaned lightly and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smashed his lips against mine to shut me up, he slowly started to push himself on me. I moaned loud and started to get hard.

"S-syo-kun..." I heard someone say my name...that wasn't my Ai's voice...

Present time:

My eyes widened...I knew this voice all too well...the one that made me like this...I need to get out of here...but my body won't move...I turned my head and looked at the yellowish green eyes of my childhood love. "N-Natsuki..." I said barely audible for me and ai to hear. He took a step towards us. "W-when did the two of you happen..." he said trying to act happy, I could clearly see the hurt in his eyes.

I covered my eyes with my hair so neither he or my boyfriend could see my tears, which started welling up in my eyes. "So what if I'm with Ai...I heard you and Tokiya became an item too..." I said coldly trying not to have a complete melt down. He smiled, "Yea were trying he's nothing like you were though..." he smirked looking at Ai's reaction. "S-syo w-what is he talking about..." Ai grabbed my hand making me look at him.

"N-nothing he means vocally...I'm still a virgin you know..." I looked at Ai with hurt in my eyes, 'I can't believe he thought I'd give myself away like that.' I thought to myself.

I turned to go in my room, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Wait Syo-kun where are you going..." Natsuki said glaring at Ai.

"I-uhm-I need to go feed my hamster..." I said nervousness lacing through my voice.

"But Syo you don't have a hamster." Ai and Natsuki said at the same time, they were both still glaring at each other.

"W-well then I need to go make a hamster home...!" I said slamming the door and locking it.

I leaned against the door tears now streaming down my face, I slid down the door and held my knees to my chest. I cried for half an hour, 'my career is over, relationships aren't allowed in our groups and if it gets out to the public I'll be kicked out and we won't be able to get the Uta Pri award...it's all my fault...why did I have to fall in love...' I thought as my depression started taking over again. I got up not thinking and went to the bathroom and locked the door, knowing ai had a key to the main door but not the bathroom.

I opened the cabinet door and looked at my blades and my pocket knife, sitting there waiting to be dirtied with the stain of my blood, I picked up the knife and flicked it open, I looked at my distorted reflection in it, I smiled. 'I don't need this...' I thought I let the cold metal rest against my skin. 'I mean I'm in love now...there's no reason to do it...other than Natsuki...could tell everyone...and everything would end...my relationship...my career...my love...' I started to get mad and pressed harder. 'I don't want to lose Ai...or my life here everything's finally going my way...'

I looked down at my arms and noticed that the underneath was all scared up and bloody, my eyes widened 'what have I done...I never intended for it to go this far...but the pain feels so good when I'm hurting like this...I wish ai would never see me like this...I-I wouldn't be able to face him again...'

I never realized that during my mind battle that ai had unlocked the main part of our dorm room. He sat on his bed before realizing that my hat wasn't on its normal rack. He got up and noticed that the bathroom light was on. I heard a knock on the door... my heart started racing...

"Syo...are you ok..." I heard the worry in his voice. "Look...I'm sorry that I over reacted earlier with Natsuki...I just didn't want him to take you from me..." I heard him say leaning against the door.

"All right... I'll be out in a second..." I said trying to put my blades up before ai could get in. I heard the door knob turn and then I heard him put a key in the door. My eyes widened as Ai walked in and looked directly at my bloody arms...

"S-syo..." he was speechless...

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Maybe I'm gay

Chapter 6

Recap:

"All right... I'll be out in a second..." I said trying to put my blades up before ai could get in. I heard the door knob turn and then I heard him put a key in the door. My eyes widened as ai walked in and looked directly at my bloody arms... "s-syo..." he was speechless...

Present time:

"A-Ai..." I backed away from the counter, ai stepped closer, his face was in shock and horror, I kept backing up. Then the next thing I knew is I was falling, "HEY WATCH OUT!" (A/n: it's said kind of like in ouran when kaoru pushes Haruhi out of the way of the falling vase in karuizawa.) Ai's arm was around my waist but I slammed my head on the wall before he could get to me. I laid there limp on the floor my life slipping away...

I started going unconscious... the last thing I see before I completely black out is...is ai hovering over me calling my name...then everything went black...

in Syo's mind while he's unconscious:

'I'm going to die...I'm going to die...Ai saw me and now I have nothing to live for...well maybe hell love me still...like that I'll ever happen...well I can dream...I hope...I wish that he still loves me...Ai...Ai...Ai...I love you...'

Back to normal pov (Syo's):

'The last thing I remember was falling on the bathroom floor and ai.' I didn't feel the hard ground that I thought I would, it was actually quite squishy like I was in a bed of some sort. I opened my eyes to see a white ceiling I wasn't used to. I sat up and looked around the room I was in, it was white, white curtains, white sheets, a weird pattern on the wallpaper. I felt something in my arm, I looked down and there was a weird tube pumping blood into me. I gasped...I-I'm in the hospital!

"Ah, so your awake." a nurse in a white uniform walked in the room. She came over to me and started doing something to the machine that I was hooked up to. "You were out for pretty long, well that is expected when you're in a coma." she said, she was blond, average size in most parts, not someone of my type but you know whatever. "w-what! Why am I in the hospital! a-and why was I in a coma. "I practically yelled at the nurse. she stopped me, "now calm down Mr. Kurusu the doctor will explain everything, besides there's someone here to see you at the moment." she opened the door and I saw Ai sitting outside the door, knees to his chest and his head in his hands.

The nurse tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up, we made eye contact, the next thing I knew his turquoise hair was in my face. "I was so worried that you'd never wake up..." he pulled away from his death hug to look me in the eyes, he had tears starting to fall. I hugged him," I-I'm so sorry..." at this point I was crying too. He kissed me for a long time, the nurse had to pull us off of each other so the doctor could speak to us.

"now Mr. Kurusu, since you had an extreme amount of blood loss and you were in a coma for over a week, you will have to stay here for a while, I have already notified the school and they said it was all right since it was a medical thing, and Mr. Mikaze you may stay with him if you'd like." he smiled comfortingly at us. I smiled and kissed Ai quickly, he blushed slightly when the doctor coughed to get our attention. "Now you will have to take some depression medicine and be on this blood machine till your normal again."

I smiled and held Ai's hand, then the doctor got serious, "while we were doing your blood work, we noticed that you have some sort of heart condition that were not familiar with, and you were diagnosed when you were little but you shouldn't remember much of it, so were gonna have to put you in ICU till we understand what it is in the mean time you can go home but you have to keep your heart rate down, do you understand?" I had a look of shock on my face, 'I don't remember any of this...c-could they be mistaking me for Kaoru...' I smile sadly, "all right..." ai nods and the doctor leaves. He looks at me, "well get through it together." he smiled hopefully at me.

'I hope so Ai...I hope so'...

(hey! sorry its late...I'm really nervous for school to start so I uhm kinna had writers block and plus I've been having a lot of problems with myself right now and my maw maw had surgery on her back...on a good note this Sunday is my birthday! anime store here I come! Lol! hope you all like it! and again I'm really sorry for not updating quicker)


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